Anyone who knows me also knows that I feel no shame in my love of Fanfiction. That being said, I do have to drudge through some of the worst, most disturbing stories online to find anything decent. On Fridays, I would like to share my pain and disbelief with you by submitting some of the stories I have stumbled across. This will include those with horribly clichéd plots, atrocious grammar, and even those that knowingly created ‘crack’ fiction to entertain us. Welcome to Fanfiction Fridays.
Who Says Goths Can’t Surf? By Psychoticmonkey
Description: Kagome, Rin, and Sango are all goths in Hawaii.Then they get new students in their class. Inuyasha, sesshomeru, And miroku are new duh and they are punks. And Um Pairings are in order Inukag rinsess, and rokusan. Kikyo and shippo bashing…Oh and surfin.
Why not start this off with a bang? The Inuyasha fanfiction starts off with Inuyasha, Sesshomeru, and Miroku transferring in to their new school in Hawaii. They are assigned seats near Kagome, Sango, and Rin, which they notice are all goth girls.
I have no idea what class this even is, but Kagome immediately makes her presence known in the fight against the patriarchy by asking her teacher why their aren’t any female presidents. Not even 300 words in. Inuyasha then endears himself to the readers by claiming that women are simply too hormonal to lead. Despite him acting like a complete ass and their obvious difference in opinion, Kagome and her friends decide to ask the boys to go to the beach with them after school. Of course.
I’m not going to spoil the story, just know that if you decide to read it, you are in for multiple shark escape stories, sudden changes from a world based on reality to fantasy, peppered-in Hawaiian terms, and everyone getting a Mary Sue story of their own. There is absolutely no story formatting, horrible grammar and spelling, and hypocritical characters. Kagome goes from being a ball busting feminist in chapter one to immediately dubbing the ‘preppiest slut in school’, Kikyo, Kinky-ho. The story is currently 5 short chapters in and incomplete.
Up in Smoke By TylerNicoleDotCom
Series: Lizzie McGuire
Category: TV Shows
Description: If Lizzie and Miranda ever found out I was gay… I don’t know what I would do! A GordoxDonald Trump one shot.
About 6 months ago, I wondered to myself if people ever write Lizzie McGuire fanfiction. I regret that curiosity. I found that there are tons of stories out there, but I had to stumble across this curse first. This story is a short one shot chapter that follows into the category of a ‘crack’ fanfiction. It is well written and formatted, but with the idea to intentionally make something outlandish and weird. I actually enjoy the kookiness of a crackfic, but it does willingly fall into the realm of a bad fanfiction.
The author used her talents to create an a late night encounter between Gordo and Donald Trump.. That’s right. Nothing explicit is depicted in the story, but it is implied that Trump is taking Gordo somewhere private at the end. Since the story is only a short 606 words long, I won’t give anything away about it. I’ll just leave you with my favorite excerpt.
“Everyone calls me Gordo.” He snorted.
“Dumb fucking name kid, but it fits your dumb face.” I flicked my cigarette.
The Unfortune Came True By Porcelain-Shadow
Series: Harry Potter
Description: Vicky and Hermione were playing “Fortune teller” and Vicky’s was perfect except she was supposed to get married to Draco Malfoy! Guess what happened the next day! It ALL came true! NEW REVAMPED & RELOADED VERSION POSTED NOW. COULDN’T STAND THIS VERSION MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF’S VERSION.
This story starts out with Hermione and her friend, Vicky, playing a game together. Vicky is apparently an original character that also attends Hogwarts and is currently staying with Hermione and her family. They are playing a game called Fortune Teller that I use to call Mash when I played it in middle school. You make a list of both good and bad possible outcomes to your future and eliminate the options as you play.
Hermione, who is well-known for hating Prof. Trelawney and Divination, says that she believes it really does predict the future and she’s seen it work. Vicky ends up with Draco Malfoy being her future husband despite the fact that she seems to despise him. Immediately after, the Malfoy crew inexplicably show up at the Granger household and demand Vicky marry their son.
The fanfiction is hilariously riddled with ellipsis in place of punctuation, tons of slang, and lack of reason. It reads like a play in the sense that it is only dialogue between characters. All in all, it’s a load of incomprehensible fun.